What turned into research for someone else, turned into a post for me of something that always boggled my mind. Why are black men so intimidated by successful black women? In most cases, black women that are more successful than they are. What’s up with that? Half the time, these men makes things more complicated than things need to be from their own insecurities. Let’s take a glimpse into our brothers’ mind with the readings of W. Eric Croomes article “For Brothas Only: Can We Really Handle Independent Black Women?”
In this article, Author W. Eric Croomes takes a deeper look onto the scope of the Black relationships… specifically focusing on Independent Women and The Black Male’s view of them. He points out that the attitudes of black men regarding strong, successful black women can range from “a grudging acceptance to applause to outright rejection”. Statistics were presented, although no source was given, that more black women than men hold degrees and the unemployment rate of black men are twice that of white men. Croomes does, however, list the source of a recent poll conducted by “Millennium Men of Color” reporting that only 18% of black male respondents described relationships between the black sexes as “good”.
A key factor of black men and women tending to measure each other by economic means, as opposed to values, ethics, religion etc., is stated to play a major role between both black sexes. Although, a black male may be at the top professionally, financially, and spiritually, there are several of those males who struggle with the reality of the black woman being of the same stature. Part of that, Croomes mentions, is because black males have been socialized to see themselves as providers. As a result, the black relationships are negatively affected with the role reversal of success, thus causing the black male in some cases to either suffer in silence or display hostility towards their more successful counterpart. Unfortunately, that then leads to the black male missing out on what he really desires: a loving relationship.
Author Croomes advises that the Black male needs a new way of thinking. He insists that black males should attempt to understand that the black women, successful or not, are included in the “system” as well; the system that has yet to afford them full acceptance in the marketplace.
He concludes that black males need to realize that women need them just like they need women and elaborates that beneath the success (financially and professionally) and spirituality lays the insatiable need to be loved. He uses our current President (Obama) and First lady for an example as encouragement: “For every Michelle, There is a Barack!” inspiring those to become models for a new generation of Men.
I like Author Croomes approach. Although, I am a little concerned at only 18% of black males saying the relationships are “good”, I know there is hope. Instead of pointing the finger solely at either sex, Croomes simply states what the issue is and what potentially can resolve it. This shows that we don’t have to bash each other to get a point across (as I’ve seen in several articles referencing black relationships) and that we do have a common ground regardless of success. As Aunt Thelma said in “Good Hair” (Benilde Little)… “You come from two different kinds of families, one had a pot and the other one didn’t, but both of ‘em is Black, and as long as you live and breathe you gonna be treated that way, so you two need to stop whatever foolishness is going on”….
Let's embrace each other.
